


Goldfish

by beyondinsane



Category: Law & Order: UK
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-23
Updated: 2009-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyondinsane/pseuds/beyondinsane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ronnie leaves town, he asks Matt for a favour...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goldfish

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bamberrific](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bamberrific).



"Big plans for the Holiday, then?" Mattie plunked down two drinks - coffee for Ronnie and Tea for himself-before plunking himself down in his desk chair and all but pouted as Ronnie crossed off one more day on the calender.

"Off to Brighton with the Missus and the kids, back before you can say Bob's your uncle." Ronnie looked into his coffee cup and sighed. Matt never put in enough cream. Something about being bad for his arteries. Kid wouldn't know a doughnut if one tossed him off. "Somethin' I been meaning to ask you, Mattie..."

"Yeah?" Matt was all ears, eyebrows raised. Ronnie had to chuckle, his partner could be so serious. He looked as though he half expected Ronnie to get down on one knee and propose. Ronnie fumbled around with some papers, a little embarrassed. "Look, mate, let's have it."

"I wanted to see if you'd swing by my place while I was gone. Check on things, you know."

"'Course. You didn't even need to ask."

"Actually, I did or you'd get thrown in the dock for burgling." Ronnie slipped a key off his ring and held it out to Matt, who seemed to consider it for a moment before slipping it onto his own. It occurred to Matt suddenly that he'd never been round to Ronnie's flat before. The same thought must have occurred to Ronnie simultaneously, because he jotted down his address on a scrap of paper. Not that he needed to. Matt of course had this bit of information memorized, should he ever need to deliver bad news or reach Ronnie at impolite hours.

"Anything else?" Devlin asked, slightly disappointed. He had been hoping they could go out for a pint, like other partners did. Not he and Ronnie, though. Home life and work life were kept as far apart as possible, which given Matt's circumstances, was probably for the best. It was a bit of a let-down, though, especially given they got on so well. Come to think of it he'd never seen Ronnie have a pint, not even at the Holiday parties or division picnics.

"Yeah, actually. If you could mind Old Fishface."

"Old Fishface?" Matt's brow furrowed. "Did you get a cat?"

"'S a fish, my girl's goldfish. Won 'im at her school fair." Matt laughed, eyes flashing blue with amusement. "It's just a bit of flakefood, even you couldn't arse it up."

"Dunno. Could accidentally knock the bowl over and suck the little bugger up with a vacuum. Could put a fag out in the water and contaminate it. Could decide Old Fishface needs an upgrade and send him on a one way trip to the coast, via the sewer." Matt grinned at him, the grin he saved for when he thought he was being particularly clever.

"Just feed the bloody fish, Dev. It's not brain surgery, is it?"

"No, of course not. I'll do it."

"Damn straight you will." Ronnie slapped him on the shoulder as he shrugged on his long mac and made for the door.

"And Mattie...keep the city from burning down, will you?" Ronnie said, closing the door of the office.

"I'm not a fireman!" Matt shouted, and Ronnie waved, not even bothering to turn around.

***

"I can't, I have to swing by my partner's house and feed the fish." Devlin cooed into the phone.

"Bugger the fish, just buy em a new one before the end of the week. He'll never know."

"Peter! He's my partner. I can't just kill his pet." Matt said, pulling on a fresh pair of dress slacks. He always wears dress slacks, even on weekends. You never know when you'll get the call and Devlin would rather be prepared.

"Just come up after, love. I'm your partner too, aren't I?"

"I suppose I could do. Can't take too long, can it?"

"I said I'm your partner too, aren't I"

Matt grumbled something into the phone that Peter must have taken for acquiescence, because the subject didn't come up again.

***

Matt knocked on the door to Peter's flat, carrying a bottle of wine and wearing an apology.

"You're three hours late."

"I'm sorry, it took longer than I thought."

"What do you mean, it took longer? Must have been some bloody fish!"

"Well, it's not that, it's that he just looked so hungry, moving his little mouth just so. You should have seen him"

"And?"

"So I fed him a bit more and thought I'd wait around and see if he stopped kissing the top of the water. He looked kind of sick actually."

Peter rolled his eyes.

"--Then I thought that maybe he couldn't breathe. You know, not enough oxygen in the water. So I poured him into a tea kettle."

"You didn't!"

"I did! With some fresh water, while I changed out his bowl. It was going a bit green, so I thought to clean it out too."

Peter chuckled as he removed Devlin's tie and slid his suit coat off his shoulders. "You never do anything halfway, do you Dev?"

"What's the point of that?" Matt said, eyeing him saucily. "Unless you'd like me to start with you?"

"No, thank you. What'd you do next?"

"After I cleaned out the bowl and put him back in, he still looked hungry. So I gave him some more food and waited to make sure he ate it all. Then I gave him some more food."

"Bloody Hell, Matt!"

"What! You weren't there! Poor Old Fishface, I'll bet Ronnie never feeds him."

"There you go about Ronnie again. I swear you think of no one else."

"Not thinking about him now..."Matt said as Peter sank to his knees on the floor in front of him.

"I should hope not."

***

"How was the fish, Mattie?" Ronnie hung his hat and coat up and slapped Devlin on the shoulder like every other morning.

"Hungry little bugger. You owe me 6 pounds for food, he ran out." Devlin barely looked up from the file he was reading, a serial murder case they had just been assigned to.

"Did you notice anything odd about him?" Ronnie said, standing uncomfortably close.

"Yeah, he stayed out real late on wednesday and his bowl smelled like pot. It's a goldfish, Ronnie. What could be off about him?" Matt still didn't look up, completely engrossed in the file.

"Then would you mind telling me why Old Fishface changed overnight from a Goldfish into a Beta?" Ronnie roared, yanking the file out of his hands. "I barely, just barely, convinced little Maggie that he must have just grown up while we were gone. Noe everytime she gets a goldfish I'll have to eventually change it out for a Beta. I'm sending you the bills!"

"I hoped she wouldn't notice. It's orange too, isn't it?"

"It's red! Red as the damn scottish guard!"

"Ronnie, I'm sorry! I think he was sick..."

"Sick! What were his symptoms! He's a bloody goldfish, they don't get sick!"

"Ronnie!" Matt looked truly miserable. "I'm so sorry."

Ronnie fiddled with the file, struggling to keep up his tirade when Matt looked so contrite.

"S'ok, Devvie me lad. Little Maggie loves the fish, s' no harm done. You needn't have troubled about getting a new one when he died."

"You should have seen him though, Ronnie. He ate a whole can of fish food in two days. I never saw a fish so hungry, and then he just died. I don't know what happened."

"YOU FED HIM A WHOLE BLOODY CAN OF FISH FOOD? WHAT KIND OF IDIOT ARE YOU? YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE A CHEESEBURGER FOR LUNCH AND THEN YOU FEED MY FISH A MONTHS WORTH OF FOOD IN TWO DAYS?"

"Ronnie! No harm done, you said..."

"DEVLIN! TOMORROW THERE BETTER BE THREE LUMPS OF SUGAR AND PLENTY OF CREAM IN MY COFFEE OR SO HELP ME I'LL REPLACE YOU WITH A BETA FISH!"

Matt grinned brightly and opened his desk drawer, which was full of creamers and packets of sugar. And a small box of jelly-filled doughnuts.

"It's good to have you back."


End file.
